We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
