i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We need to get me chipped asap
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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