Can Purell be used as lube?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
