Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
