So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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