Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
