glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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