He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
