I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
