EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
