i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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