Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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