I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize