i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
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Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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