from now on my penis is your penis
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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