can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
