Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
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Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
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Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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