i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
