You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
