friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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