Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
