You really coming over, don't trick.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
where are my eyebrows?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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