so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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