the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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