can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
