also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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