I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You are the jesus of drinking
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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