haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Found the puke drawer
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
