Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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