I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
another moral hangover. fuck.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
