i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
