I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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