you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
