I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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