Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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