worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
