i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
