kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i drank out of a bidet.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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