the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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