Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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