Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
