just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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