my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
