Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
