the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
