let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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