Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
