Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
