I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have already put on my inside pants.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
