She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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