he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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