the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
