So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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