I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
