There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
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oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
ttyl tear gas
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
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Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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