Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
