hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
