Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
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Pass out mid-funnel last night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
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She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize