I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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