So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
