My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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